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Forget everything you thought you knew about vampires—they just don’t exist. But there are others with similar appetites and they certainly appreciate how well the folklore has protected them.
How do you deal with having to dine on the humanity you adore? Feast on the miscreants. And don't get too close to the good ones.
This is Paul Christian’s choice. A seemingly mortal man, he has numerous special abilities. Unfortunately, well, most unfortunately for some, he needs human blood to survive. You may call him a vampire--but he's just not happy about that term.
A low-key crime novelist, Paul leads a cautious and comfortable life – until he falls in love.
Lauren is just managing to keep her tavern open when she meets Paul-a charismatic man who carefully weaves himself into her life. Suddenly, her business picks up and she finds herself surrounded by new friends and a sense of family. And she begins to sense something else... she's just not sure what it is - or if it's good, or bad, or both.
Strange things start to happen as Lauren gets sucked into Paul’s life.
A literary take on a Gothic tale, addressing alienation and the desire to belong, the hunger for love and purpose in life, and the struggle to do what is right-even if it is not what is good.
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A SIGH FOR LIFE'S COMPLETION, (C) 2009 Sara Kuhns
ISBN# 0 - 7414 - 5395 - 9
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A SIGH FOR LIFE'S COMPLETION
(c) 2009, Sara Kuhns
Published by Infinity Publishing
Infinity Publishing.com
Pennsylvania
Available through:
www.buybooksontheweb.com
www.Amazon.com
Also available for Kindle
Ask your bookseller to order it through Ingram!
~dedication~
Mom, Dad – thanks for having me, nurturing me, loving me in spite of and maybe because of my ways; Siblings – Jeanne, Roger and Dave for being so very present for me, always; Nieces and Nephews – Eli, Matt, Marybee, Madeleine, and Jacob for inspiring me to stay true to my dreams. To all my friends who have supported me in so many ways. To all my students who have helped me remember what it’s like. To both the Lost Leaf Gallery and Bar and to Conspire Coffee for giving me comfortable places for refueling in the early and late hours.
Thank You
cover design: Jane Joyce
cover photo: Jeanne Kuhns
back cover photo: Riana Riggs
The soundtrack for this novel was provided by:
Radiohead—The Smiths—Joy Division—My Bloody Valentine—Smashing Pumpkins—Franz Liszt—Ray Charles—The Cure—Cake—Muse—The Killers—The Pogues—The Strokes—Tom Waits—Coldplay—New Order—Sonorous—Beirut—Devotchka
PROLOGUE
The night was moist, sticky, air like hot breath in her face. Deena walked across the bridge bathed in the dirty yellow streetlight glow. The river flowed with silent, unseen currents and she paused to consider this asshe lit a cigarette. She watched the reflection of buildings ripple as a fish jumped in the water, dark and threading into a darker industrial distance. It occurred to her to just throw herself over the side and get it over with because, she knew, they would come for her.
But, Deena shrugged, maybe they wouldn’t. Maybe there’d be a gang war and they could just all kill each other. Maybe they wouldn’t figure out that she killed him. Not too bright ripping off the boss, no matter how crooked he was, no matter how many times she slept with him. Not too bright on her part at all. But she was glad she’d killed him. She studied her hand, held it out and watched it shake. Blood had dried in the crevices around her fingernails, she wanted to pick it out, was even tempted to put her fingertips in her mouth and suck on them. But it was blood. Even more, it was an asshole’s blood. So she hiked her purse onto her shoulder as she looked back, making sure no one was following her. There was just a large dog loping away down the other side of the street. Another stray lost in the city.
Turning to move forward she stopped. A man approached, his footsteps silent on the steel grating walkway. Deena only gave herself a moment to take him in before turning to run in the other direction but the large dog she’d seen was now sitting at the other end—watching her. She ended up taking a step and pulling back, she spun on the ball of her foot only to pull back again; the man was almost abreast of her.
“Don’t worry about the dog, he’s with me.” He smiled as he stopped beside her.
She couldn’t wrap her mouth around a word, her heart was pounding too hard and she was holding her breath.
Just a bit taller than she, he spoke softly, “Breathe.”
She did. She drew in a slow breath and found herself relaxing. This man couldn’t be a thug coming after her; he seemed too comfortable with himself to need to look for a fight or bully someone.
“Coming?” He nodded in the direction Deena had just come from, where the dog now sat, and continued walking without looking back.
Deena felt her head bobbing up and down, even though she really, and she meant really, didn’t want to go back that way. But for some reason, she didn’t want him leaving her. It was as if she’d been waiting for him and he had finally arrived. The thought made her heart race again. She found herself trotting to catch up and fall into step beside him; walking fast to keep up. The dog rose andpadded away as they neared the end. Deena was going to say something but couldn't remember what it was.
At the end of the bridge, he caught her hand, leading her to the shadows and guiding her to the wall. She watched him lift her hand to his lips and a thrill of expectation filled her. But he stopped short of kissing her fingers; instead he drew in a breath as he held them to his nose. He almost smiled.
“You’ve been busy.”
She wanted to be embarrassed and pulled her hand back. He stepped away from her and there was something about him, a scent that she wanted to inhale. She wanted to move towards him; but he stepped to the side and walked around her slowly. Deena found herself standing as still as she could; she shivered as he moved to stand close behind her and
again when he smoothed his hands over her shoulders and curved his fingers around her arms, holding them at her sides.
A warmth that was not physical formed within her and seemed to flow into every point of her awareness—a combination of desire and affection, affection for her very existence. Physically, she felt she was at the point between wakefulness and sleep—floating. He brushed her hair back from her neck and Deena reached back to touch him; but he swiftly
caught her wrist and pinned her arm back to her side. She felt his breath on her neck and she had a hard time catching her own because anticipation filled her. She groaned when he nipped the skin under her jaw line; gasped when a sudden pain jutted into her throat only to be forgotten immediately—for every part of her consciousness was infused with the most incredible pleasure she’d ever felt.
She could hear him sucking lightly. And she felt satisfied. Sleepy. Settling against him as his arms encircled her, Deena sighed. Her eyelids flickered. Closed.
CHAPTER 1
Sometimes after feeding he slept for days. Awareness came gradually… first the sensation of touch, that of the sheets, the give of the mattress beneath him; then the sense of space around him. The ceiling fan whupped softly, stirring the air inside the wide, windowless space that opened into another room and beyond that to another. Looking for Jonathan, he expanded his awareness to feel through the rooms of the house and found him on the second of three floors, taking care of this or that. Paul let him know he was awake even if the young man already knew. He reached further and found Lily in the backyard. Depending on what time of day it was, she would be waiting for or watching the birds, reading, perhaps drawing or painting. Rising, he stretched, took a long steaming shower, shaved, dressed and headed upstairs to the kitchen. A plate of sliced fruit waited on the counter—fresh, firm apples, strawberries, and pears with Lily’s baguettes on the side.
Light was grey outside the windows, the color of approaching dawn. Except for a dog barking the neighborhood was quiet. “Morning.” Paul selected a slice from the plate and looked at Jonathan leaning against the counter. The young man nodded in reply.
Jonathan shook his head when Paul offered him the dish because he knew the man would eat everything, though he always offered to share.
Paul shrugged and picked out his next choice. “Any news?”
“A woman’s missing.”
“Hmm,” he had expected it this time.
“They’re looking for her regarding a homicide.” Jonathan shrugged.
Paul rubbed the side of his face thoughtfully; watched the outside light brighten a notch.
“And a coyote took a dog right off its leash.”
“Really?”
Jonathan nodded.
“Did it eat it?”
“They didn’t say.”
“No, they wouldn’t.”
After he’d gone through the fruit, he watched Jonathan clear the plate from the island counter.
“I think I’ll take a walk.” Moving through the house, he stopped to stretch at the door before tugging on the knob and holding it open. “Are you coming?” He smiled while Jonathan shifted forms.
Before turning to the street, they walked under the carriageway and into the back yard. Lily looked like an apparition in the odd pre-dawn light, white blonde hair framed her face before folding into four thick braids that she’d pulled over her shoulder and curled into her lap. She sat with a bag of bird seed nested in the braided coils and watched the early rising sparrows and finches hop around her bare feet as she scattered a small handful of seed on the ground.
When Paul gave her a Good Morning she looked up and smiled.
“Walking?” It was his habit when he woke. Sometimes she joined him.
He nodded.
“Well, I think I’ll stay back today.” Lily looked at Jonathan, smiled again and watched them until they rounded the corner of the house.
Walking along the boulevard Paul remembered what the city looked like when they first bought here. It had been a beautiful neighborhood surrounding the park, reminding him of the first home he knew. Wealthy. But times changed, mansions fell into disrepair, many were even converted to apartments. No longer walking the boulevard, people stayed indoors to avoid the violence that gradually ate into the streets, businesses and sometimes their homes. And then it changed again, was changing now. Gentrification began on the other side of the nearby industrial corridor and jumped hesitantly over the wide avenue—coloring a house here, creating
condos there. It was one thing he liked about who he was, watching change—seeing its cyclic nature, feeling the rhythm and moods.
He grunted, Jonathan paused and looked back, Paul threw him a thought, It’s nothing. After long sleep he was often pensive—ideas and memories woke with him, followed him through subsequent days.
Looking across the park he watched the sunlight finally untangle from the horizon; buildings and trees alike seemed to glow. He watched Jonathan’s pattern of figure eights, the sign for infinity. He circled in front, trotted to circle behind, finding purpose in protecting him. Perhaps that was why canine was the young man’s favorite shape, aside from the fact that it blended in so well; he was expected to investigate everything—which was what Jonathan tended to do anyway. Picking up a stick Paul tossed it and smiled as Jonathan retrieved and ran again before abandoning it as they left the park behind them.
They turned down a block with storefronts and two flats that were only interrupted by one condominium development. As he strolled, he felt for the presence of those in the buildings they passed. Most slept. But not all. He smiled to himself as he sensed the girl in the apartment over the bar. He couldn’t remember when he had first noticed her, it was a gradual recognition, an acquaintance of sorts… it must have been two or three years prior. She was often in her window when he took these walks and because of that he had grown accustomed to her presence. Even fond of it.
Looking up he met her gaze and proffered a single wave. He pushed a sense of familiarity toward her and she raised her hand, slowly extending her fingers and waving back. Dipping his chin he strolled on, thinking he’d like to meet this young woman who watched the street from her window.
~ ~ ~
Jonathan was taking a newspaper from the machine outside Lolly’s Corner Tavern when someone turned the lock and the door sounded like it was kicked open from the inside. The girl from the window appeared on the stoop.
“Sorry. The door sticks.” She toed the stop into place.
“You open now?”
“Not really. But you could grab me a paper if you’re coming in—I mean before you close the box.”
Doing so, he followed her inside, dropped the paper on the bar and looked around. Built-in booths, wooden bar, hutch, tin ceiling in fair shape.
“Are you going to make an offer?”
One side of his mouth pulled back. “Just looking.” He slid onto one of the stools, opened the paper he paid for.
She nodded, squinted at him, “You look like—” Nodding again, she opened a cooler and pulled a bottle out. “Glass?”
“No thanks.” He watched her pop the cap and slide the bottle over.
A car horn blared and she glanced toward the door; daylight washed over her face. He noticed her eyes were two different colors—one distinctly blue, the other distinctly green. In the light they stood out with the brilliance of gems set into her pale, angular face which was framed by dark brown hair, cut to a shaggy length somewhat even with her jawline.
When she looked back at him he was still considering them, perhaps impolitely, but she grinned. “You noticed. Most people don’t in the bar.”
“So what do you put on your license?”
“They always put DI. It means dichromatic. You know, two colors.”
She jerked her head lightly toward the bottle. “It’s alright?”
He checked the label, 5 Barrel Pale Ale, nodded and reached into his pocket.
“Don’t bother. I’m not officially open yet so I can’t sell anything.”
Tipping the bottle to her, he watched her turn away.
Going back to the paper he skimmed headlines and read captions while following but not watching the girl’s movements. She washed a couple glasses, ran a rag over the bar top, stocked the coolers and pulled out another ale, popping the top and setting it beside a photograph next to the cash register. Glancing at him she smiled but offered no explanation.
She was flipping through the mail when he folded up the paper, he could feel her irritation at a particular envelope. She tore it open to purse her lips at a bill; she didn’t notice he left.
Returning home Jonathan found them just where he’d left them. Paul was lounging in a hammock stretched between two oaks and swaying slowly in and out of a patch of sunlight as he pushed a foot at the ground. Lily sat nearby on a Craftsman style bench, drawing in the sketchpad folded open in her lap. Going to her, he bowed over to place a light kiss on her brow.
She smiled but didn’t speak; she was drawing Paul.
“I was thinking,” Paul glanced at him. “When you finish this we should have the next gathering here.”
Jonathan looked around. The quarter-acre back yard was crowded with trees—an unusual forest in the city. They’d let it go when the neighborhood declined but since the upswing Jonathan had been clearing overgrown shrubs and planning the landscaping, again. Bobbing his head lightly he moved to crouch beside the hammock, meeting Paul’s gaze.
“She works at that bar below her apartment.”
“You went in?”
Paul smiled and closed his eyes. “Tell me.”
Look Inside!
Just click on the tabs below for publication information,
the prologue and the first pages of chapter 1
READ TRACEY FLEMING'S REVIEW ON
www.thewritenuniverse.blogspot.com
December features a Book Review and "13 Questions with the Author"
I began reading and couldn't put it down - I devoured your lively pages and so enjoyed the voice that called me back!
It's multigenre, a true epic. There is nothing like it out there.
--Joan Johnson, Graduate Professor of Creative Writing,
Mount Saint Mary's College
I absolutely loved it! It was fascinating!
--C Hart, Phoenix
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Fun reading! I looked forward to picking it up. Very visual, I felt like I watched the book.
--Justin Schmid, Java Magazine
This is a really great book for a number of reasons. First, it takes a look at the human side of very different people - vampires, and puts them into the context of how they survive while trying to live in a morally responsible way in light of their "condition." The character development is rich, colorful, believable, and the story weaves between the present and an amazing historical context. This is not just another vampire book, but different than all others I've read out there because of how the characters deal with being vampires. The main character, Paul, really has a lot of dilemmas on his hands as his "family" of vampires tries not to stress the city they live in and deal with Paul falling in love with a human. It is a fun, emotional, dramatic, and exciting read. Don't miss this one!
-H. Rock, Music to Ears (Philadelphia)
Sara Kuhns is a Chicago Native who headed to the West Coast after teaching English in the Chicago and Phoenix public schools.
She has been writing nearly as far back as she can remember and has published a few poems here and there. This is her first novel.
A poet, bartender, and vegan, she has a biting wit and spreads unconditional love for humanity.
Sara believes that we need to question our concept of truth and reality. And that it is a bit pompous to assume that we, the human race, know everything there is to know. In other words, it might be a good idea to consider the possibility that what we thought impossible is in fact, perhaps, probable.
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